It is May. London as always in May seems to be flicking between seasons...springlike and abundant one day and wintery the next. The one thing that never changes is how expensive it is especially for an Australian visitor. But I am not really a visitor. I am more like a migrating bird that keeps coming back to England looking for my real home, my real mate and my real blueprint.
This blog is to log my search for that one thing I can be brilliant at. That one thing that brings together all my gifts and history and knowledge to create a "me".... my blueprint.
This blog is also for all those women who have put their life on hold whilst they sorted out the kids and helped "the other" to get ahead. It is for those women who suddenly woke up one morning to find that life was blah! May I remind you that you are never too old to be who you once dreamt you would be.
Do you just know there is something you wanted to do but can't remember what it was? Do you get the feeling that somehow you have a feeling that you have forgotten what you were born to do. You have forgotten "The Blue Print" - that one thing that you can shine at...that one thing you can feel passionate about and wake up in the morning feeling excited and ready to fly.
I am 58. I have always known that it is never too late to begin. Knowing that, has been both good and bad. I guess if I knew that there was a time limit on finding my authentic self I might have got down to it. One thing I do know is that for me each year the urge to live authentically becomes stronger, pushing me with moments of great joy and the nagging pull of discontent and frustration to keep looking. Like you, I don't know what it is that I am meant to be or what I am meant to be doing but I do know that I am having fun looking and I am finding out some great things one the way.
I also like the questions the search poses. They are big questions-- questions most of us dont ask ourselves because we are too busy making the vegemite sandwiches or trying to work out a way to pay the bills. Huge questions. Questions such as what sort of world do I want to live in? What kind of person do I want to be? Sometimes the questions feel way too big and they get packed away in the suitcase under the bed again until I feel the urge to clean up. And then, when the niggle comes and the world feels like it is going arse up, Khazzam! There they are. The same old questions, still waiting to be answered.
This year I have pulled the suitcase out again and left Australia trying to find a clue. The thing that amazes me is ....that little kernel of authenticity that lives within each of us never gives up - it just keeps niggling away pushing you forward to find out who you are and why you're here. It drives you to question the wisdom of the world. We never let give up on ourselves.
So here I am in London, not sure I have done the right thing or that I am in the right place but ready (today that is!) to trust that "those thousand unseen hands" that Joseph Campbell told us about will reach out to guide me in the right direction. Tomorrow I may be scared that I should be at home, settled in my job and saving my money for a safe retirement. But today...its ok.